Wind blown – I ask myself why did I not spend my time in this town making lino cut images of the trees writhing on the cliff tops?
The closest I got was a series of digital images:-
With my stuff in boxes and my head in a whirl there’s no time or inclination now. Just the questions – why do we make the creative choices we make? – are there right and wrong creative choices? – will I ever find the time and inclination to do all the creative ideas that flit across my addled mind?
At the end of a rainy day the clouds parted and the sun sent long beams of light onto the old ash tree in my garden. The new seeds bursting out at the end of branches shone a vibrant green gold – the seeds of new beginnings.
I went to see a tiny rental on the weekend. I thought the place I live in now was small but the place I went to see was half the size of this one. It’s very old but I put in application because there is so little out there. Since Covid we have to apply for rentals via complex online forms. I don’t know if I even filled the form in correctly or what my chances of getting the place are like. There were loads of other people at the inspection. The latest stats indicate rental vacancies in this area are down to 0.07%.
I’m still not sure it about the place anyway – it is so old and small – but it’s in a great part of the city and is up a steep hill from a beautiful stretch of river.
I’ve been tossing round ideas of driving off into the sunset in my little hatchback even though petrol costs are rising or of moving back to the country. Most of the rentals I see in the country are way out in the sticks so petrol costs would still be an issue. At this point in time neither of these options feels particularly solid or viable.
Meanwhile – I pack boxes. Things are moving – energy is shifting – but I’ve no idea where it’s all taking me.
Like breathing exercises this project has its own discipline. I write a blog post each morning then get on with the day. The postman just delivered the formal Notice to Vacate. I have till November 1 to be out of here – breathing space.
The light on the sea. Breathing in then breathing out, – consider options.
Making lists. What do I take forward? What do I discard? I begin to find the way into my own future.
Thank you to everyone who is reading this stuff. I appreciate it and your comments are helping shift the project forward. If you want, you can link your own photos and thoughts on calm reflections in the comment thread.
Late yesterday I received a phone call from my real estate agent. I have 60 days to get out of here because the owner is selling the property. I can give 14 days notice if I find a place before the 60 days are up. I’ve been wanting to move for a long time but have been held back by commitments and the acute shortage of rental properties here. Now I am faced with the prospect of taking whatever I can get or becoming homeless. Hmmm – interesting!
A short while later I received an online newsletter from a group I follow. It contained this advice:- “Don’t forget to keep in mind the flexibility aspect of the month. If something is not yet clear to you, don’t try and overthink or obsess about it. Allow it to flow into clarity through its own timing.” https://thepowerpath.com/featured-articles/new-moon-update-8-27-22/
Of course seeking calm reflections in the outer world mirrors my inner processes.
One thing that’s bothering me about this project though is my own own expectation that my inner reflections will lead somewhere – that I will find some profound realization that neatly, and completely, rounds out my reflections and leads me forward.
Instead I am entering deeper into inconclusive states of increasing ambiguity.
What with one thing and another I’ve been finding life very hectic lately. This morning I listened to a Youtube meditation which focused on finding words for the qualities you want to bring into your life. As I drifted up out of the meditation I decided it’s time for me to do another a ‘Two Weeks of …’ blog posts similar to the ‘Two Weeks of Trees’ blog posts I made late last year. This time I will do two weeks of posts about calm reflections – mostly photos but who knows, maybe my desire to write something creative and/or paint will re-surface too. Like last time I invite anyone who wants to get involved in this project to post links to your own posts about calm reflections in the comments section and I’ll come over and visit your blog. It’s not so much a challenge as a way of interacting and communicating with each other through our blogs. There is no need to link a post every day – just as often as you feel like it.
To get the idea rolling I’ll post some images of a dam I saw on Saturday. After hours of driving (much of it through heavy traffic) I pulled over in a country picnic area for a breather. The sky was overcast and the ground soggy underfoot from all the rain we’ve been having here. Standing on an embankment I looked out over a small dam that had been planted to resemble a natural pool.
Here’s a link to the meditation I listened to you if you want to find your own words:-